I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
