hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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