can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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