hotel room ftw
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Welp...herpes.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize
