I can text with my tongue
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
