We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
