Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
