Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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