youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
