Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
