As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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