Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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