life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I want her autograph on my taint
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
