Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
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Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
