New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
