My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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