Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
