I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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