I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
