I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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