when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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