Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
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My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
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I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I need a beard to bite.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize