everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
