just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
