Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
