i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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