I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
