barbara walters just said penis...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
