Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
