Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
