Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
