So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
