I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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