two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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