I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
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