I got chris browned last night
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
