dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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