i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
