Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
