They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
