Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
