I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
