I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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