I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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