everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
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