I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
