I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize