If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
