When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
