are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
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