New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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