so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
