around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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