New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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