Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
