my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize