Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
