just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
