I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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