Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
