that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
