I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
