drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
