Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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