Duck Duck Cougar?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
