She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
