i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
