Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Damn victory sex feels great
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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